I Am the Very Model of a Modern Intel Analyst

^z 4th November 2023 at 6:50am

Composed near the end of a 30-year career, with deep genuflections and forelock-tugs toward Gilbert and Sullivan's "Major General":

I am the very model of a modern Intel Analyst;
I serve as technical advisor, counselor, and panelist,
    On task forces and tiger teams I fill my hours gainfully,
    Coordinating PDBs, IAs, and WIRes, painfully;
I know the labyrinthine corridors of the bureaucracy,
And can recite our Mission Statement scarcely with hypocrisy;
    I juggle matrices full of untestable hypotheses,
    And quibble over subtle differences of philosophies.

I obfuscate, pontificate, and cover up our data lacks,
Supporting policymakers, if any be insomniacs;
    You want scenarios and indicators? Yes, I have a list:
    I am the very model of a modern Intel Analyst!

(jargon: intel = intelligence; PDB = President's Daily Brief; IA = Intelligence assessment; WIRe = World Intelligence Review; ...) - ^z - 2018-04-08