Relationship Repair

^z 14th August 2023 at 10:03pm

It's all about balance. Useful definitions, thoughtful suggestions, and empathetic words of reassurance – in a nutshell, that's the Lundy Bancroft and Judith Patrissi book Should I Stay or Should I Go? (2011), addressed mainly to women in troubled marriages and perhaps more widely relevant. Key points from the "Introduction":

You are going to be okay, whatever happens. In this book, we will guide you in how to give the best possible chance to your relationship while also making sure to take equally good care of yourself. Some days you may feel that your life depends on fixing your current relationship, but it doesn't ...

... followed by success criteria and a taxonomy of trouble:

  • We believe there are basics that all relationships need to have, indispensable elements such as:
    • love, affection, and kindness
    • mutual respect
    • freedom of both partners to express their true opinions and feelings
    • safe, loving physical intimacy
    • equality
    • making each other a high priority (though not necessarily the only priority)
    • accepting responsibility for one's own actions
    • each partner caring about how his or her actions affect the other
  • We look primarily at the four most common causes of unhealthy relationship behavior ...
    • immaturity
    • addiction
    • mental health problems
    • abusiveness

... a sharp-eyed combination of objectivity and kindness. More notes and quotes to follow ...

(cf Aikido Spirit (2003-12-09), Living in the Light (2015-02-23), Mindfulness Retreat - August 2016 (2016-08-31), Passage to India - People Are Important (2017-10-22), Aikido Zen (2019-04-05), ...) - ^z - 2022-03-09..