Too busy playing video games or web-surfing to do your schoolwork? Feel the urge to hit the mall and see a new movie? Want to go clubbing tonight and get totally smashed? No worries, mate! Just send $1 for each hour of studying that you don't perform to Study Offsets Ltd. Then grab that controller, click that mouse, jump into that big car, or dive into the bar scene with not a single speck of guilt. How? It's simple!

We pay diligent students in the Third World to hit the books on your behalf. Their hard work and learning more than cancels out your laziness, yielding a net positive long-term benefit to humanity. And who knows, some day your Study Offset partners may discover a cure for cancer or achieve lasting world peace. (How likely are you to do that?) And even if they don't hit the jackpot, odds are that the scholars you support will get good jobs, earn real money, and pay more taxes — so you won't have to! It's win-win all around.

Send payments to Study Offsets Ltd., P. O. Box 598, Kensington, MD 20895-0598, USA — or click to open an account. Our erstwhile students are standing by!

(tip o' the hat to Thomas Friedman, whose New York Times op-ed column today discusses carbon offsets and their extension to "sin offsets", a concept akin to buying indulgences that cancel out wicked acts; cf. StudyBreak (5 Oct 2003), ...)

TopicHumor - TopicSociety - 2007-07-08

(correlates: SuboptimalPerformance, HowDoYouDo, Mostly Sane, ...)