Howdy, pilgrim! No ads — you're in the ^zhurnal (that's Russian for "journal") — see ZhurnalyWiki for a Wiki edition of individual items; see Zhurnal and Zhurnaly for quick clues as to what this is all about; see Random for a random page. Briefly, this is the diary of ^z = Mark Zimmermann ... previous volume = 0.9932 ... complete list at bottom of page ... send comments & suggestions to "z (at) his (dot) com" ... click on a title link to go to that item in the ZhurnalyWiki where you can edit or comment on it ... thank you!
 | "... due to a drop from the field today, you have moved up from the wait list to the entrants list for The Ring ...", says a terrifying message from Race Director Q that arrives yesterday. "The Ring" is the 71 mile Massanutten Trail; I've tried it three times but never made more than ~40 miles of it before DNF'ing. Hmmm, two weeks to go - perhaps time to start training? |
| More important than speed or strength is patience - so on a warm Sunday morning, try 17 repeats of the nearby Mormon Temple Hill. It's about a 6% grade and nearly a mile round-trip, so GPS trackfile markers stack up in a heap. For pace control run uphill on the prime numbers (2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, ...) and walk the climb on the composites. Trot back down, chug Gatorade, and do it again. Greet cyclists and churchgoers. Admire the flowers. Watch a crimson cardinal flit away. Be thankful for good health and good friends. |  |
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- Thursday, September 13, 2018 at 05:42:17 (EDT)
"She didn't have a horizontal license, so ...", Cait says - and Roadkill wonders what Horizontal Activities the Government is now licensing? - "... they refused to serve her a drink!" Apparently portrait vs landscape format for a Driver's License indicates age below/above 21. Who knew?
"And so you did another 17 miles to walk it off?" Caitlin asks. Roadkill admits to having rolled an ankle rather badly at 0542, during the first mile of the jog to Chateau Spargaux this morning. Hours later we're slouching through Bethesda, past bucolic murals on a fancy French restaurant, Le Vieux Logis.
"Shhhhh! Pretend you don't know us!" On the Capital Crescent Trail we wink at Gayatri, out with her MCRRC XMP training group. Speedy cyclists, mostly civil, swoop by. Just after the Dalecarlia Tunnel a buck poses trailside to show off his impressive rack of velvet-covered antlers. We turn back at the Arizona Avenue trestle and walk breaks become longer. In a moment of uncharacteristic sense Roadkill accepts Cait's kind offer of a ride home, along with an ice pop. Thank you, Comrade CS!
- Wednesday, September 12, 2018 at 04:33:54 (EDT)
| Identify As More! |
Widen the circle of concern — so that, as a friend once said, "... I identify as more than myself ...", and therefore care deeply and personally about other people, animals, the world we live in — and maybe even more!
(cf Unselfing (2009-01-14), Mantra - No Others (2016-06-27), ...)
- Tuesday, September 11, 2018 at 05:49:36 (EDT)
"Peaky Beaky and Lumpy Tummy!" Dawn Patrol reminisces about favorite children's books, and the need to keep hidden those with terrifying cover art, like one nightmarish Little Golden Book edition of Hansel and Gretel. Ah, those were the days! K2 and Roadkill begin today's trek by cellphone-glow in the haunted-forest paths of McLean. We stop at a gas station mini-mart for Gatorade. Thank goodness the clerk doesn't lock us in a cage or push us into an oven!
- Sunday, September 09, 2018 at 04:22:02 (EDT)
"So as soon as I got home from the office, I told my husband that we had to call him something else!" Mandy explains the secret origins of her son's nickname. (No, can't be revealed here — it's a secret!) She and K-Rex review children's books including "Once Upon a Time, the End" (subtitled "Asleep in 60 Seconds") and another less-politely-named classic. In the gloom as we set out the horizon is tinged an afterimage-orange. Four deer trim backyard grass; two rabbits scuttle away. Dawn Patrol shares stories of spiritual growth and discovery. "We've all got to help each other — and take care of ourselves too!"
- Saturday, September 08, 2018 at 05:50:56 (EDT)
"Soon we'll need headlamps!" Dawn Patrol sets out on a dim and misty McLean morning, fog tickling the treetops. Tall crocosmia flowers form a red roadside reception line. K-Rex marvels at how quickly her kids have lost their fear of water after just a few weeks of swim lessons. K2 leads the way between hedges, arms lifted high to clear cobwebs. ("I'll take the lead when we get to an open stretch," Roadkill offers helpfully.) Today's urban creature count: 1 fox, 1 chipmunk, 2 rabbits, and 4 deer who munch the grass at the corner of Benjamin and Lawton Streets.
- Friday, September 07, 2018 at 05:29:10 (EDT)
| Nothing Is Revealed |
Be open — soften into what is — and then, as said in Subtle Sound:
... There are no secrets here. Nothing is revealed. If you are seeking to get an insight or saying that does something for you, you will find nothing ...
... except your own treasure!
(cf Mantra - Vast Emptiness Everything Sacred (2015-03-17), Mantra - There Are No Secrets (2015-10-02), Mantra - Be the Silence (2016-12-10), Zero Exists (2017-03-30), Mantra - Hold More Space (2017-06-12), Nothing, Sacred (2018-06-07), ...)
- Thursday, September 06, 2018 at 05:55:03 (EDT)
| "Space!" announces Slow-Twitch at the end of a walk-break set by distance, not duration — since Roadkill says that time and space are all the same to a relativist. Today's 0.1 mile recovery walks are the length light goes in 0.5 microseconds; they alternate with runs of 2 microseconds light-travel. Humidity is high along the C&O Canal towpath, where K2 meets Jay-Bird & Co. for a ramble upstream from Carderock. Along the way: 3 great blue herons, a tiny turtle on a log, a nimble-footed deer nibbling moss off a jumble of rocks, plus countless geese, ducks, and squirrels. |  |
 | "And just think: to normal people we look a lot like that!" Fast athletes blast past, moving at twice our pace. We try not to swivel heads or gawk too visibly at buff bodies. The water fountain at Great Falls is deliciously cold. At the turnaround just short of Swains Lock a water treatment pumping station building is decorated with mystery bugs — they turn out to be Dobsonflies. A side trip to Olmsted Island provides views of turbulent rapids on the Potomac. We wonder whether a stinky shoe still smells bad if nobody perceives the odor. |
- Wednesday, September 05, 2018 at 04:41:26 (EDT)
 | "Wage Hope", reads the sign in a front yard near Temple Shalom. A beautiful sentiment! Trot to rendezvous at Candy Cane City, then upstream to the Mormon Temple for remedial hillwork. Jon leads the way on two brisk ascents, pursued by Barry. Do this climb 100 times and you've got almost the same distance and elevation gain of the Vermont 100 that Stephanie finished just 3 weeks ago. Wow! "From a distance I thought that was a sports bra!" A couple of us report the same misperception of a hydration vest over a bare and beary-hairy male chest. During the middle miles Eva, a lovely young lady with a lilting Caribbean accent, follows us and then passes to pull us along. It's her first venture along Rock Creek Trail so she's enjoying the woods with fresh eyes. "Look at this lovely horse!" Stephanie and Jon let a friendly Appaloosa nuzzle them at Meadowbrook Stables. We join Ken and Rebecca to continue southward. At the DC line the route is closed for repairs, an opportunity to loop through a new neighborhood and critique mansion architecture. "If we knocked on the door, maybe they'd sell it to us for a song?" ... "Or more likely, ask us to mow the lawn!" |
- Tuesday, September 04, 2018 at 05:31:01 (EDT)
| The best adventures often start On railroad trains that suddenly Have had to halt mid-journey due To clichéd plot device: "A shot rang out!" — "The bridge collapsed!" "The President is missing now!" "We have only five minutes left To neutralize the bomb!" What happens next? That all depends On authors' talents to step on And trigger mines they set themselves. They must break into jail ... |
- Monday, September 03, 2018 at 06:18:36 (EDT)
 | "I hate my hair!" somebody remarks at 0542 on Friday morning as Dawn Patrol sets off in the dark on the Mount Vernon trail from Theodore Roosevelt Island. Miles and hours later, back on the island's boardwalk path: "I hate my hair!" |
| In between, stories of young daughters with a far better sense of direction than their parents, multiple Starbucks stops and pauses to pet puppies, training and dietary advice, a fragrant hedge of honeysuckle, bright graffiti, DC Wharf lobsterman sculpture - and at the corner of M and Half St SE, comrade Barry magically materializes with slushy-cold Gatorade for an impromptu midcourse Aid Station. (Thank you, Sir!) |  |
 | "They look like gigantic white Legos!" Passing Kennedy Center construction we wonder if one person could lift the foam blocks that lie strewn like toys for a gargantuan child. We stop for selfies on Capitol Hill. A historic marker now graces the former home of one of us. |
| The Marine Corps Memorial brings an emotional moment, as soldiers prepare for a ceremony. A big bag of frozen blueberries melts into a slurry that threatens to stain someone's shirt. It's a lovely day for a ramble around downtown Washington with dear friends. |  |
- Sunday, September 02, 2018 at 06:29:41 (EDT)
| ... Yes, and play big. Bigger than everything. Don't worry about details. Draw an extra card. Draw the largest thing you can imagine, and then leave room around it for more. Embrace the Universe. Pop up a level. See it all as just One Verse of an infinite poem, One inverse in a mirror Reflecting a reflection Of itself in itself. Don't stop. It's all so big, so big. Big enough for everything, everyone, Every time, every thought, except for one: No thought of stopping is allowed! Never and forever, always and in all ways. Yes, and ... |
(cf Indra's Net (2009-06-21), Core Buddhism (2011-10-17), Yes, and... (2012-11-14), Mirroring Each Other (2013-05-12), ...)
- Friday, August 31, 2018 at 04:48:58 (EDT)
... You will seem to know nothing and to feel nothing except a naked intent toward God in the depths of your being. Try as you might, this darkness and this cloud will remain between you and your God. You will feel frustrated, for your mind will be unable to grasp Him, and your heart will not relish the delight of His love. But learn to be at home in this darkness. Return to it as often as you can, letting your spirit cry out to him whom you love. ...
So says the anonymous author of The Cloud of Unknowing, a fascinating Christian-mystical guide to meditation written in the late 1300s, stark in its focus on transcendence, emptiness, and the unknowable. Pure contemplation exists, it suggests, between a "cloud of unknowing" above which is God, and a "cloud of forgetting" below which all created things exist only to be let go of. Like Zen.
The above "translation" from Chapter 3 is by William Johnston; the original as edited by Patrick Gallacher [1] is archaic but readable with effort:
... For at the first tyme when thou dost it, thou fyndest bot a derknes, and as it were a cloude of unknowyng, thou wost never what, savyng that thou felist in thi wille a nakid entent unto God. This derknes and this cloude is, howsoever thou dost, bitwix thee and thi God, and letteth thee that thou maist not see Him cleerly by light of understonding in thi reson, ne fele Him in swetnes of love in thin affeccion. And therfore schap thee to bide in this derknes as longe as thou maist, evermore criing after Him that thou lovest; for yif ever schalt thou fele Him or see Him, as it may be here, it behoveth alweis be in this cloude and in this derknes. ...
Compare that with the 1922 Evelyn Underhill rendition [2]:
... For at the first time when thou dost it, thou findest but a darkness; and as it were a cloud of unknowing, thou knowest not what, saving that thou feelest in thy will a naked intent unto God. This darkness and this cloud is, howsoever thou dost, betwixt thee and thy God, and letteth thee that thou mayest neither see Him clearly by light of understanding in thy reason, nor feel Him in sweetness of love in thine affection. p. 73
And therefore shape thee to bide in this darkness as long as thou mayest, evermore crying after Him that thou lovest. For if ever thou shalt feel Him or see Him, as it may be here, it behoveth always to be in this cloud in this darkness. ...
Maggie Ross [3] comments and compares these and other versions. Like Coleman Barks and Rumi, all are different, all are good, in diverse ways.
- Thursday, August 30, 2018 at 05:21:26 (EDT)
"I meant to say Deer," clarifies Roadkill respectfully, "not Dear!" K-Rex laughs. Her sharp eyes spy six deer on a warm and humid McLean morning, including three fawns resting on a freshly mown lawn watched over by their mother. Rabbit count today is 2, or perhaps 1 seen twice. We explore new dead-end streets and refrain from trespassing.
"No bib, no medal, just a long, long run!" Yesterday's article about ultramarathoner Adrian Spencer, by Andrew Gates in RunWashington, appeals to Dawn Patrol sensibilities. Construction closes the trail along Old Dominion Drive and the pedestrian bridge over Pimmit Run where Roadkill tripped and fell 3.5 years ago when temps were 60 degrees cooler than today. (See 2015-02-06 - Thirteen Degrees) A young couple carrying yoga mats greets us as we trot east from the McLean High School track, and again as we return an hour later.
- Wednesday, August 29, 2018 at 04:45:28 (EDT)
| "Bird crossing ahead!" K-Rex points out a pigeon ambling to the other side of the street. Pink hues tinge the horizon as we set out on a hyper-humid Dawn Patrol of Pimmit Hills, with pauses to pet a friendly dog and photograph a curvy front-yard sculpture. Rabbit count = 2, lurking behind a line of exotic tropical flowers on Anderson Road. |  |
- Tuesday, August 28, 2018 at 05:34:14 (EDT)
 |
With dear friend Mary Ewell and her kind husband Andy Woodcock, on the West River (tributary of the Connecticut River) in Brattleboro Vermont on 19 July 2018 ... first time in a kayak ever — and no disaster before the 2018-07-21 - Vermont 100 DNF!
 |
- Monday, August 27, 2018 at 04:39:22 (EDT)
"Just a little farther!" says Gayatri, as she runs ahead to make her GPS roll over to a new mile. Despite ~20 miles yesterday and complaints of tired legs, she leads the way along Rock Creek Trail and the Matthew Henson Trail on a humid-warm morning. Roadkill wears a camo shirt, gift from Barry. Win talks about chess and life-goals, going slowly today as she recovers from injury.
- Sunday, August 26, 2018 at 05:45:08 (EDT)
"They look like aliens standing there!" says Amy as we pass under the high-tension power lines near Cabin John Regional Park. Two rabbits race away; a big deer retreats into the roadside brush. Scents of cedar drift in the breeze as the sun rises.
- Saturday, August 25, 2018 at 05:43:07 (EDT)
Improv Wisdom (2005) by Patricia Ryan Madson, begins and ends with a namaste to Keith Johnstone and his book Impro. From the Prologue:
... A good improviser is someone who is awake, not entirely self-focused, and moved by a desire to do something useful and give something back and who acts upon this impulse. ... [T]he password for joining the society of such people, play fearlessly, and to work with greater ease ... is yes! Understanding the power of yes is easy; practicing that acceptance and affirmation in daily life becomes our challenge. ...
... and a little later, describing "Improvisers":
... They are "'Yes' sayers. It is easy to be around these folks. They are can-do people. They have learned a way of working together on stage that commonly spills over into their daily lives. There is a spirit of cooperation. If I forget something, my colleagues cover for me. Everyone seems to say "thank you" often, and "I'm sorry" slips naturally off the tongue. We smile and laugh a lot. We rarely need committee meetings to decide things. We do stuff. We make mistakes, sometimes whoppers. We correct them or we capitalize on them. We notice how much others are doing for us. We have fun. We screw up; we apologize. We get on one another's nerves sometimes. We move on. We create life and art together. ...
... and a little earlier, the great question:
| "What would you do if you knew you would not fail?" |
... Yes, and ...
- Friday, August 24, 2018 at 04:47:38 (EDT)
"хорошо!" Roadkill cheers awesome-fast 74 year old Igor Lvovskyi at the Friday evening MCRRC "Going Green" track meet's 2 mile race. Hard rains fall during early heats but pause for our group to run around big puddles. Kind comrade Cindy Cohen chats with Roadkill during early laps, then pulls ahead - as does 10 year old Anna Arnold. вздох!
400m lap splits = 2:01 + 2:00 + 2:04 + 2:05 + 1:56 + 1:58 + 2:00 + 2:00 (that last includes the extra 18 meters to make two full miles from 3200 m) — official time 16:08, for 2nd place of 3 in age/gender group. And now, it's Tor Taco Time!
- Thursday, August 23, 2018 at 05:43:50 (EDT)
Choppy prose, patting a child on the top of her head. Like wind stealing the aroma off a cup of tea on its way to the lips. That uncle nobody talks about. That cousin you wish nobody would ever talk about. Subtle glances exchanged between best friends forever. A radically improbable plot, like so many other things that don't matter at all.
The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx (1993) is a delight, a fast read, a book about not much or maybe everything. Sin and redemption, hope and forgiveness. An archetypal scene near the end of chapter 14 ("Wavey"). Two lonely people meet:
Before he started the station wagon the tall woman, Wavey, came to mind. He looked down the road both ways to see if she was walking. Sometimes she went to the school at noon. He thought, maybe to help in the lunch room. Didn't see her. But as he came up over the rise and in sight of Jack's house, there she was, striding along and swinging a canvas bag. He pulled up, glad she was alone, that he was too.
It was books: she worked in the school library twice a week, she said. Her voice somewhat hoarse. She sat straight, feet nearly side by side. They looked at each other's hands, proving the eye's affinity for the ring finger; both saw gold. Knew at least one thing about each other.
Silence, the sea unfolding in places. A skiff and bobbing dory, men leaning to reset a cod trap. Quoyle glanced, saw her pale mouth, neck, eyes somewhere between green glass and earth color. Rough hands. Not so young; heading for forty. But that sense of harmony with something, what, the time or place. He didn't know but felt it. She turned her head, caught him looking. Eyes flicked away again. But both were pleased.
And later, in chapter 30: "The road shone under a moon like a motorcycle headlight." And, "If life was an arc of light that began in darkness, ended in darkness, the first part of his life had happened in ordinary glare. Here it was as though he had found a polarized lens that deepened and intensified all seen through it."
And so much more ...
- Wednesday, August 22, 2018 at 04:30:05 (EDT)
"Let's take alternate left turns and right turns, and see where that gets us!" Dawn Patrol random-walks north-by-northwest and critiques mansions under construction. ("That design looks too 'heavy'!" and "What a mess that driveway will be in the winter!" and "Big windows into a garage - again?") K-Rex reports on her kids' first chess tournament; K2 is back from a high school reunion.
"Now that's REAL drama!" Stories of drugs, violence, poverty and wealth, crime, soap-opera-like contretemps, tragedies of disease and disaster - what sheltered lives we live compared to large swaths of society! Perhaps there's far more to be thankful for than we typically realize? A five-point buck watches us run by. Rabbit count = 2.
- Tuesday, August 21, 2018 at 05:04:28 (EDT)
Helpful thoughts by Leo Babauta, originally written in ~2011, on reducing stress and getting stuff done, from a note titled "Zen Productivity":
... good suggestions, albeit rather redundant and disorganized and most relevant to those privileged enough to have the luxury of not-doing. But that doesn't make them wrong!
And so it all comes down to:
| Let Go |
(cf Let Go (2013-10-18), 01 (2013-11-05), Eleven Rules for Mindfulness (2015-11-07), Mantra - Let Go and Let Be (2015-12-02), Mantra - Do Less, Better (2016-12-14), Here to Let Go (2017-03-26), Become Softer (2017-05-25), Hanson on Letting Go (2018-01-17), ...)
- Monday, August 20, 2018 at 06:14:23 (EDT)
 | "Rice University!" Roadkill greets a youngster wearing a t-shirt from his 44-years-ago alma mater. "Hanszen College?" The guy grunts affirmative as he races past. Smallest of worlds! "My mnemonic for your surname is 'Charcuterie', Ma'am!" Charmingly crew-cut Jenny Charkoudian chats about her past races. She sprints ahead during the middle miles; we reconverge in the long climb to the end where she pushes hard. The word "compete" comes from Latin "com-" (together) and "petere" (to seek). Two seekers give each other a happy fist-bump salute after the finish line. Thank You, Jennie! Boyish banter between Ken and Emaad entertains both pre- and post-event. We carpool with a stop afterward for a delightful deli brunch. Minor twinges persist in right ITB, left hip, right ankle; minor chafing annoys; last week's prickly-heat-rash persists in the unmentionable nether zone. Posted results show chip time 2:09:01, good for 1st of 12 in the age/gender group, gun time 2:09:55, 142nd of 238 males, 202th place of 406 total finishers. |
Riley's Rumble Recorded Results:
- Sunday, August 19, 2018 at 06:24:51 (EDT)
"The rental agreement allowed us to give the keys to any unknown random sweaty runner who was dropping out at mile 50 and promised to leave the car for us at the finish line!" Ken explains how his daughter was able to pace him for the final dozen miles of the Miwok 100k. We're running the Mormon Temple Hill with Barry in hot pursuit. Suddenly on our second repeat cheerful Caitlin appears, cruising down! Roadkill escorts her back home, meandering to get her daily goal distance; in turn she saves his vegetarian bacon by providing a core-cooling ice pop, salty energy gels, and extra water. Thank you, Ms. C!
"It's a cat's-cradle trackfile!" Roadkill explains his tangled route to Dr Fonda, who is wisely recovering from her Vermont 100 race last weekend. Photo ops on the way to the rendezvous with K&B include the Purple Line construction site at what was once Lyttonsville Bridge and a wire-sculpture bee garden ornament. Right ITB twinges are minor, but prickly heat rash in a delicate region remains an issue.
- Saturday, August 18, 2018 at 04:42:51 (EDT)
So much to enjoy about Happiness, a 2018 novel by Aminatta Forna: eco-sensitivity, recreational running, Esperanto, early-onset Alzheimer's, racial justice and the collision of black/white worlds, urban animals, and dozens of delicious meals deliciously described. Forna's prose is smooth and striking. For example, from Chapter 4 as one of the central characters enters an assisted-care home:
The residents' day room faced the back of the building. A semicircle of high-backed chairs arranged in front of a large window looked out onto a handkerchief of weed-pocked lawn. Each chair held a sleeping occupant, head lolled to one side or else folded chin to chest, skin pale and creased as origami paper, hands bent sharply at the wrist lay in laps like dying birds. The air fluttered with the sound of stuttered breaths. In here the curtains were drawn and the light of day cut through the still air and lit the dust motes. Attila advanced bearing in his hand a box of New Berry Fruits. He was aware of feeling powerfully alive, every beat of his heart, the rush of blood, vital organs throbbing with life, the snap of synapses, here in this roomful of fading souls.
And so much to be annoyed by in Happiness: countless comma splice faults, characters who are either Christlike or Satanic, obtrusively ostentatious vocabulary usage, and ridiculous coincidences ridiculously justified. Most distracting, perhaps: the depiction of psychology as storytelling. No data, no evidence, no logic, no experiment. Only feel, emotional appeal. Much too weak a foundation to base a book's conclusion on, however side-of-the-angels that conclusion may be.
- Friday, August 17, 2018 at 04:37:12 (EDT)
"I see no ribbon!" says K2, closing her eyes to the yellow barrier across the stairs.
"It just says 'CAUTION' - not 'DO NOT CROSS' - and that means we can go ahead!" rules K-Rex. The Dawn Patrol skirts muddy construction work to reach the track behind Langley High School. Cotton-candy sunrise gives a pastel sugar-rush to distant clouds.
"Adults over 60 are free!" observes Roadkill on the sign at the stadium entrance, and celebrates liberty by dashing a lap (1:39) around the oval. A plaque acknowledging stadium donors is led by $100,000 contributors. Good to be on a world of wealth and generosity.
"My sweatband needs a sweatband!" Humidity is high, though temperatures are lower than they were earlier this week. On the way to the former Kennedy family mansion at Hickory Hill we spy a shy bunny and a couple of spotted fawns. Later two more pairs of deer munch the bushes. The crushed-stone track at Cooper Middle School lures us off course for a bonus lap.
- Thursday, August 16, 2018 at 04:44:10 (EDT)
 |
... a ray from the setting sun shines through Dr Mary Ewell's window and, for a minute, casts a shadow behind the sculpture — and light reflects ...
- Wednesday, August 15, 2018 at 04:36:44 (EDT)
"And then ask yourself, 'What can I do to make this better?'," K2 suggests as a good move when finding oneself in a bad situation. Wise counsel! White chalk arrows mark the cut-through to Pine Hill Road and flag a hazardous stump. A front yard tree wears a sad face; a big jackrabbit races across the street and then pauses to eye runners as they pass. Two cheery black dogs ignore their owner's remonstrances and dash down their driveway to greet us. Humidity is a heavy handicap as we set stretch goals and attempt to climb more hills with less walking.
- Tuesday, August 14, 2018 at 05:03:09 (EDT)
"Everything's a hill today!" says K-Rex, as the Dawn Patrol slows to a walk upslope.
"Or nothing's a hill!" replies K2, optimistically. Humidity hits like a brick to the face as, iced coffee in hand, we step out of Starbucks, its windows translucent-gray with condensation. Heavy rains pause long enough for us to ramble along the under-construction Dead Run. K-Rex tells of her kids' experiments with "Makey Makey" electronic systems to turn bananas and fist-bumps into computer interfaces. We shake our heads at reports of Aspen Colorado prices. A soggy bunny hops across the street.
(K2 and K-Rex run an extra mile before traffic-delayed Roadkill arrives)
- Monday, August 13, 2018 at 04:26:49 (EDT)
Debbie Whittle asks in her 2005 essay Another Look at Depression:
What if depression was viewed not as an illness, but rather, a call; a call from your own soul? Is it possible there is a gift in depression? We are told that depression is an illness; one involving brain chemistry. Is it possible to view depression from another perspective? Is it possible that depression can be viewed as part of a larger life cycle? Is it possible to see beyond appearances and perceive a higher vision, a vision of meaning and purpose?
... such good questions! As Whittle wrestles them she begins with a quote from Rainer Marie Rilke's "Letter to a Young Poet" counseling the open:
... Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and ... try to live the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to Live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers. ...
... and then she turns to the meta:
... When we move to a different level or perspective, we move out of the experience. This gives us the ability to observe the experience rather than be caught in the emotion of the experience. When we become the observer, there is an opportunity to gain clarity and understanding. ...
... followed by lovingkindness and acceptance — the soft:
... access our own compassion. Whatever our experience, our ability to be compassionate with ourselves increases our ability to accept ourselves, wherever we are. I find this to be one of my greatest challenges: to accept myself as a fallible human being living in a world full of misery. ...
... and ending, as she began, with more questions:
... What is calling for your attention in your depression? What new life is germinating in the darkness? What wants to die? What is waiting to be reborn? ...
(cf Worst Zen Student That Ever Was (2012-03-10), Friendship and Meditation (2012-11-06), Therapies for Depression (2015-10-04), Edgeless Sea of Compassion (2015-10-10), Open Readiness (2016-09-27), Mindfulness in Three Words (2018-06-13), ...)
- Sunday, August 12, 2018 at 06:00:27 (EDT)
 | "Thank you, Mary! Today is not the day!" At the 2018 Vermont 100 Endurance Run I drop after traveling ~30 miles in ~8 hours. The course is lovely, mostly dirt roads. The people are nice and the scenery is amazing. The hills are impressive: the GPS says that I get ~4500 feet of elevation gain, like doing 30 repeats on the Mormon Temple Hill near home. At an hour ahead of the cutoff pace it might have been worth continuing. On the other hand, stopping before exhaustion makes for a much easier recovery and allows me to get home a day early. |
| Most importantly, dropping at noon on Saturday spares my dear wonderful friend, Dr Mary Ewell, the necessity to stay up another night crewing for me, driving from aid station to aid station only to glimpse me for a few moments before I take leave — all with a high probability of my missing the time limit and having to withdraw after another 20-40 miles. Just not worth it. Maybe next year! It's a great joy to see so many running buddies at Vermont. Caroline Williams and Stephanie Fonda both finish — brava! Jon Jester, a marvelous man who did the ultra-gnarly Catoctin 50k last weekend, crews for Stephanie and paces her for the final 30 miles. Kudos! |  |
- Saturday, August 11, 2018 at 21:09:45 (EDT)
Tara Brach remarks from 2002, as quoted in "Unconditional Friendliness":
(cf Radical Acceptance (2015-05-13), Learning to Pause (2015-08-10), Inhabiting the Body (2015-09-10), Edgeless Sea of Compassion (2015-10-10), Veil of Separation (2015-10-14), ...)
- Friday, August 10, 2018 at 04:21:37 (EDT)
| Say Less — Better |
... think before speaking — and try to let what is said always be:
... and mercifully brief!
(thanks to bb-AS; cf. Less More (2005-03-14), Do Less (2007-08-24), Mantra - Do Less, Better (2016-12-14), ...)
- Thursday, August 09, 2018 at 05:48:20 (EDT)
On heavy mental rotation during the 2010-10-23 - Quad State Quad Buster, this lovely poetic song by Sophie B. Hawkins "As I Lay Me Down":
| It felt like spring time on this February morning In a courtyard birds were singing your praise I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel all right I carried them with me today Now As I lay me down to sleep This I pray That you will hold me dear Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name into the sky And I will wake up happy I wonder why I feel so high Though I am not above the sorrow Heavy hearted Till you call my name And it sounds like church bells Or the whistle of a train On a summer evening I'll run to meet you Barefoot, barely breathing ... |
- Wednesday, August 08, 2018 at 04:48:17 (EDT)
"Beaver Lake #2!" says Dr Mary Ewell. We're walking in her new neighborhood, an out-and-back past lovely homes, dirt roads, dense stands of trees, narrow streams, and rough-hewn hand-painted wooden signs. Towns in the southwest corner of New Hampshire bear names like Spofford, Westmoreland, and Keene. Ducks and turtles paddle in the ponds. The Vermont 100 race, where Mary will crew for Roadkill, looms in a few days. Time to take it easy!
- Tuesday, August 07, 2018 at 06:07:24 (EDT)
 |
Mural on the Buena Vida restaurant building in downtown Silver Spring, Maryland ...
- Monday, August 06, 2018 at 21:23:56 (EDT)
"Fructooligosaccharides and diet cola!" Roadkill and K-Rex are Yin and Yang of healthy diet, polar opposites, with K2 perhaps somewhere in between. Dawn Patrol analyzes probiotics and what fraction of their goodness is placebo effect as we ramble 'round McLean. Rabbit count = 3 on a humid-cool morning. Angular new mansions are critiqued for their windows (too few or too many), their garages (always too many), and their incongruity with neighboring homes. A colleague's funeral today leads to comments on the film "What We Did on Our Holiday" and trail talk about long-ago events, forgiveness, and what's really important in life. How marvelous to be able to start the day with feats of strength and endurance, with friends, with iced coffee, and with mindful conversation!
- Sunday, August 05, 2018 at 04:39:53 (EDT)
From the beautiful song by Peter Gabriel, "In Your Eyes", lyric sentiments for those who forget themselves in the struggle to help others:
| Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired of working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive ... |
and the refrain, perhaps a reminder to pause and breathe and love and appreciate the Now and Here:
| In your eyes, the light the heat In your eyes, I am complete In your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches In your eyes, the resolution of all the fruitless searches In your eyes, I see the light and the heat In your eyes, oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes ... |
(cf Mystery Religion (2005-02-08), Nothing But Faith in Nothing (2014-09-07), Story of My Life (2016-03-04), Mantra - Things Can Only Get Better (2016-09-11), Stand by You (2017-01-11), Heroes (We Could Be) (2018-01-25), ...)
- Saturday, August 04, 2018 at 05:13:21 (EDT)
 | "Since all of the houses are designed that way suddenly it's not weird any more!" Dawn Patrol eyes long slanty garage roofs that look like they will channel massive quantities of snow onto driveways in wintertime. We ramble through a new neighborhood in search of connector streets. K2 spots a deer nibbling a front yard garden. Black iron security gates are decorated with golden shapes. A path is marked "Private Park". Really? "What a wonderful gift!" Roadkill thanks K2 for suggesting today's novel route along Swinks Mill Road. In Scotts Run Nature Preserve a happy puppy dashes up to us — the same one who met us here a week ago! |
- Friday, August 03, 2018 at 07:05:30 (EDT)
Ann Patchett's telling of her decades-long soul-deep bond to Lucy Grealy — Truth & Beauty: A Friendship — is a beautifully drawn portrait of a liar, genius, addict, victim, hero, master manipulator, and poet. Grealy was all of these, though perhaps less rather than more. Given the prism of passionate love that Patchett views her dear flawed comrade through, it's hard to know how much is real and how much is selective reporting. Grealy's psychological state sinks into abyssal depths as the narrative proceeds. Her childhood cancer, interminable experimental-reconstructive surgeries, near-constant pain, substance abuse, and boundless sexual promiscuity eventually pile up like multiple train wrecks.
And yet ... her love and brilliant writing ... and her profound emptiness ...
Grealy's letters, as quoted by Patchett, are sinews that hold the book together:
Those metaphors ... and Patchett's constant, selfless support ...
Truth & Beauty is a funhouse mirror in which, perhaps, reflections of every deep relationship can be seen.
Ms Patchett, you tried. No one can save every broken bird — but for Lucy, you tried. Thank you for sharing the trying.
- Thursday, August 02, 2018 at 05:13:12 (EDT)
"Aggressive resting: pizza is half price today!" A flock of friends suffer from injuries and wisely stay home despite lovely-cool weather this morning. Gayatri did ~17 miles yesterday and for no imaginable reason has achy feet today; Doc Barry prescribes retail shoe therapy.
"Runners up!" warn pack leaders as training groups trot along Rock Creek Trail. We step aside to applaud and cheer as they pass. Santa Steve and Joyce pause to chat with us and exchange belated-birthday fist-bump salutes. The Beach Boys are on heavy rotation in Barry's playlist.
- Tuesday, July 31, 2018 at 05:08:23 (EDT)
A Good Race is:
... hmmm — or is that a Good Life?
(cf What Is My Life (1999-04-30), Logo Vision (2003-05-03), Improving My Mind (2003-06-22), This Is Water (2009-05-21), What's in My Journal (2017-10-29), ...)
- Monday, July 30, 2018 at 04:47:42 (EDT)
"Dead Man's Curve!" Barry has a flashback to the 1963 song by Jan & Dean at mile 3, as we run the no-sidewalk blind-corner Newcastle Avenue. Roadkill reminisces about another teen tragedy tune from the same era, "Last Kiss", as covered by Pearl Jam. And almost 4 hours later at mile 19 Roadkill trots homeward along the narrow shoulder of another sharp curve when who should zoom around the bend on his way to get 7-11 coffee from Mr Singh? Barry in his new car! Beep Beep!
"I've got a surprise gift for you!" Dr Stephanie meets Roadkill at her home for today's middle 9 miles, and shares much mindful conversation plus a happy lap around the Tilden Middle School track. (Barry branches off earlier as he tapers for the Missoula Marathon next weekend.) Baby bunnies scamper under bushes to hide. Trail talk turns philosophical, about the tragedy of narcissistic people who lie, manipulate, insult, and surely suffer themselves as they inflict suffering on others. We concur on the contrasting goodness of stable, caring, sincere, patient love — especially when combined with fun personal chemistry! The line at Starbucks is far too long to merit a break for iced coffee. A few miles later kind Caitlin brings ice water and ice pops. Bless you, Angel of Aid!
"No drama? Normal people would consider running 100 miles rather dramatic!" There's so much to be thankful for in this great world - not least, another surprise gift from Dr Fonda: a handful of chilled dark chocolate chips from her freezer to power the final miles. Thank you!
- Sunday, July 29, 2018 at 04:29:40 (EDT)
| Pebble falls into a pond, Hammer strikes a brassy gong: Waves ripple outward, rise and fade — until quiet returns. Just so when crimson panic flares Or anger-fires seize a heart: Emotions ripple, rise and fade — until quiet returns. |
(cf Quiet in There (2011-05-31), Mind Like Water (2011-12-24), ...)
- Saturday, July 28, 2018 at 05:54:55 (EDT)
"A Show Car!" says K-Rex. We marvel at three big windows, covering half the front of the mansion, solely to provide a view into the garage. "They should put that car on a turntable with spotlights!" Dawn Patrol rambles east on a warm morning; local showers cool us; humidity is oppressive. At McLean High School a spotted fawn leaps past the tennis courts. We pause to send K2 a selfie from Starbucks.
- Friday, July 27, 2018 at 04:41:30 (EDT)
| "Sweat Badge — Earned!" says Molly, as she and Caitlin run up the hill from Sligo Creek. It's a super-warm and humid Independence Day. |  |
 | Instead of celebrating as planned beginning at 0704 on 07/04 we honor another American icon by starting 7:11am. |
| Roadkill's meandering pre-trek features 1 deer, 3 rabbits, a 4-storey 100-story Little Free Library, and a mutant turtle statue covered with proverbs. |  |
 | The group loop around Takoma Park pauses for photography of a toucan mural and a starry night of knowledge triptych. |
- Thursday, July 26, 2018 at 06:01:09 (EDT)
Since at least 2013 various kind ultra-comrades have recommended "intermittent fasting", an approach to health for which the Jury of Science (statistically-significant and well-controlled peer-reviewed studies) remains out. IF proponents suggest that by varying one's caloric intake more widely — e.g., eating very little for 12-18 hours/day, or alternatively a couple of days/week — one might see improvement in various objective biological parameters such as insulin or human growth hormone levels. Hmmm!
"No new super-powers!" is the anecdotal observation after intermittent ^z personal experiments in IF over a few months in 2018: no weight loss, no improvement in running, no deep insights as to the nature of reality, etc.
Yet definitely there's a subjective increase in mindfulness and awareness of eating, a drop in thoughtless munching. Perhaps that's more than enough return on investment?
(cf 2013-03-10 - DST E-W Meandering, Notice and Return (2013-03-11), 2018-03-17 - Intermittent Fasting, ...)
- Wednesday, July 25, 2018 at 05:00:48 (EDT)
"No, that's not a baseball cap, it's a BRA!" A personal artifact found abandoned on the River Trail provokes hypothesis generation. The rising sun glints off the Potomac as Dawn Patrol surveys Scotts Run Nature Preserve on a steamy morning. K2 stops to let a small snake slither across the steep path. Cute little dogs offer a pause-to-pet opportunity. Recent floods have left muddy patches and detritus across the blue-blazed trail. K-Rex spots a pair of big deer retreating through the woods. A few miles later another deer dances away in Churchill Road Park.
"Not to throw a damper on the day, but ..." says somebody, as trail talk touches upon a situation that could have been handled better. At trek's end we raise glasses in a toast: "Ice water — thank you!"
- Tuesday, July 24, 2018 at 06:59:15 (EDT)
From Running with the Kenyans by Adharanand Finn:
... running is like getting drunk in reverse. With drinking, it feels great at first, but then you start feeling awful. With running, you feel awful at first, but then, after you finish, you feel great. That sounds like a much better deal. ...
... hmmmmmmmm — sounds like the application of a Category Theory principle!
- Monday, July 23, 2018 at 04:47:33 (EDT)
 | Snaky string lies S-shaped on the street -- and several steps later, a sad snake, squashed. New cut-through to Blueford Road leads past front-yard happy putti sculptures and a classic car hood ornament. Sultry fog lingers low over Ken-Gar meadow, where a depleted "Nuclear Warhead" firework shell remains. Big deer stare, then flee. |
| "My heart is heavy!" says Gayatri, and shares memories of a friend who passed away last evening. Legs likewise feel leaden after long runs in yesterday's heat. Barry soars up the hills as we meander to connect the Matthew Henson and Rock Creek trails. "Knock, knock!" No answer from a tap on Mike & Adeline's door. Yesterday they accepted fist-bump salutes as they led training groups near the Mormon Temple; today they're likely running crazy mountains! |  |
- Sunday, July 22, 2018 at 05:56:20 (EDT)
"16 rabbits!" Does Amy pull them out of her hat? Today for 2.5 miles she's Coney Conjuror, Bunny Whisperer, Hare Raiser, as the creatures materialize at a rate of more than 6 cottontails/mile. We meet and take the Bethesda Trolley Trail north past Georgetown Prep, swing by Dr Fonda's home (did someone knock on the door and then run away? who would do such a thing?), and return via Strathmore Arts.
"Thin Ice!" warns the sign on a pond behind an apartment complex. On the way to Amy's 'hood a Great Blue Heron poses by a puddle. A front-yard waterfall ripple-roils past an owl statue. Two big deer munch a garden salad.
"No, I'm trying a new product called 'FAIL'!" says Barry, explaining why he doesn't need a SUCCEED! electrolyte capsule in spite of today's heat and humidity. We meet near the Mormon Temple and do a couple of loops around it, varying our route to explore neighborhood streets. Sweet peach tea from the Old Town Market in Kensington helps lower core temp at mile 18. Dehydration weight loss is only ~2 lbs, thanks to 2 bottles of Gatorade, 6 Succeed e-caps, and a couple of pints of water.
- Friday, July 20, 2018 at 06:40:35 (EDT)
For back issues of the ^zhurnal see Volumes v.01 (April-May 1999), v.02 (May-July 1999), v.03 (July-September 1999), v.04 (September-November 1999), v.05 (November 1999 - January 2000), v.06 (January-March 2000), v.07 (March-May 2000), v.08 (May-June 2000), v.09 (June-July 2000), v.10 (August-October 2000), v.11 (October-December 2000), v.12 (December 2000 - February 2001), v.13 (February-April 2001), v.14 (April-June 2001), 0.15 (June-August 2001), 0.16 (August-September 2001), 0.17 (September-November 2001), 0.18 (November-December 2001), 0.19 (December 2001 - February 2002), 0.20 (February-April 2002), 0.21 (April-May 2002), 0.22 (May-July 2002), 0.23 (July-September 2002), 0.24 (September-October 2002), 0.25 (October-November 2002), 0.26 (November 2002 - January 2003), 0.27 (January-February 2003), 0.28 (February-April 2003), 0.29 (April-June 2003), 0.30 (June-July 2003), 0.31 (July-September 2003), 0.32 (September-October 2003), 0.33 (October-November 2003), 0.34 (November 2003 - January 2004), 0.35 (January-February 2004), 0.36 (February-March 2004), 0.37 (March-April 2004), 0.38 (April-June 2004), 0.39 (June-July 2004), 0.40 (July-August 2004), 0.41 (August-September 2004), 0.42 (September-November 2004), 0.43 (November-December 2004), 0.44 (December 2004 - February 2005), 0.45 (February-March 2005), 0.46 (March-May 2005), 0.47 (May-June 2005), 0.48 (June-August 2005), 0.49 (August-September 2005), 0.50 (September-November 2005), 0.51 (November 2005 - January 2006), 0.52 (January-February 2006), 0.53 (February-April 2006), 0.54 (April-June 2006), 0.55 (June-July 2006), 0.56 (July-September 2006), 0.57 (September-November 2006), 0.58 (November-December 2006), 0.59 (December 2006 - February 2007), 0.60 (February-May 2007), 0.61 (April-May 2007), 0.62 (May-July 2007), 0.63 (July-September 2007), 0.64 (September-November 2007), 0.65 (November 2007 - January 2008), 0.66 (January-March 2008), 0.67 (March-April 2008), 0.68 (April-June 2008), 0.69 (July-August 2008), 0.70 (August-September 2008), 0.71 (September-October 2008), 0.72 (October-November 2008), 0.73 (November 2008 - January 2009), 0.74 (January-February 2009), 0.75 (February-April 2009), 0.76 (April-June 2009), 0.77 (June-August 2009), 0.78 (August-September 2009), 0.79 (September-November 2009), 0.80 (November-December 2009), 0.81 (December 2009 - February 2010), 0.82 (February-April 2010), 0.83 (April-May 2010), 0.84 (May-July 2010), 0.85 (July-September 2010), 0.86 (September-October 2010), 0.87 (October-December 2010), 0.88 (December 2010 - February 2011), 0.89 (February-April 2011), 0.90 (April-June 2011), 0.91 (June-August 2011), 0.92 (August-October 2011), 0.93 (October-December 2011), 0.94 (December 2011-January 2012), 0.95 (January-March 2012), 0.96 (March-April 2012), 0.97 (April-June 2012), 0.98 (June-September 2012), 0.99 (September-November 2012), 0.9901 (November-December 2012), 0.9902 (December 2012-February 2013), 0.9903 (February-March 2013), 0.9904 (March-May 2013), 0.9905 (May-July 2013), 0.9906 (July-September 2013), 0.9907 (September-October 2013), 0.9908 (October-December 2013), 0.9909 (December 2013-February 2014), 0.9910 (February-May 2014), 0.9911 (May-July 2014), 0.9912 (July-August 2014), 0.9913 (August-October 2014), 0.9914 (November 2014-January 2015), 0.9915 (January-April 2015), 0.9916 (April-July 2015), 0.9917 (July-September 2015), 0.9918 (September-November 2015), 0.9919 (November 2015-January 2016), 0.9920 (January-April 2016), 0.9921 (April-June 2016), 0.9922 (June-July 2016), 0.9923 (July-September 2016), 0.9924 (October-December 2016), 0.9925 (January-February 2017), 0.9926 (March-April 2017), 0.9927 (May-June 2017), 0.9928 (June-October 2017), 0.9929 (October-December 2017), 0.9930 (December 2017-March 2018), 0.9931 (March-April 2018), 0.9932 (May-July 2018), 0.9933 (July-September 2018), 0.9934 (September-December 2018), 0.9935 (December 2018-February 2019), 0.9936 (February-April 2019), 0.9937 (April-July 2019), 0.9938 (July-August 2019),... ... Current Volume. Send comments and suggestions to z (at) his.com. Thank you! (Copyright © 1999-2018 by Mark Zimmermann.)